BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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