Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Enjoy the penises
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
