hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
