I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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