so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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