Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
