It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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