eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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