It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
