You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
