please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
