soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
