Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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