I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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