I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
