it was like eating out sand paper
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
