508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
