I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
