It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
