its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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