So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
