i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
