I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
