I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
