just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
