I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The power of my boobs compel you
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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