I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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