Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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