Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
