what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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