I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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