uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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