It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
