So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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