There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
