ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize