You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Farmville is her only friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
