i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
