Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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