if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable