walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
