When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst