I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex