He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?