She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it glows. i had to have it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
