i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
