i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
