He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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