The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
