So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize