Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
