i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
