I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
