he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
