He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
