areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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