I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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