theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
