If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
