First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
