Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
