12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
