Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
