i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
