Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
